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AUSTIN, TEXAS - We all should have known that there was something terribly, terribly wrong, ya'll, when there is a paragon of American manhood, famous WWF wrassler The Rock up on the stage at the Republicavik National Convention a few weeks ago. I fully expected that I would hear that Stone Cold Steve Austin showed up for the Al Bore Show in El Lay after that! Thank the Lord, that never happened.
In fact, the only thang that surprised Tabloid Hart about the Democravik convention was that Howeird Stern didn't bring his Ichabod Crane lookin' mug into the proceedings.
Instead, from what I read from the punditocracy, the Democravik party trotted out all their old war-horses to try to remind folks that they are the party of the people. Uh-huh. Guess what, Demos, "the people" are those 100 million strong of us who DON'T VOTE 'cause ya'll in both parties have turned our durned stomachs!
There is an enduring paradigm of journalism (See, Sanitation Engineers, Tabloid Hart is learning a few thangs about this here profession!) that August represents the "dog days." Nothing is going on worth wasting ink on. But newspaper writers and (now) Web writers still do.
I checked the national newspaper of record, THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER, and even they had "filler" stuff like excerpts from Larry Engelmann's celebrity quotes book just out.
Like this from our favorite newspaper: " 'So, have you ever been kissed by a woman before?' That's what figure skater Tonya Harding asked an 81-year-old woman -- after reviving her with mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. "
Any time you get a chance to remind folks of Tonya Harding, you know that the trash in "white trash" is still alive, don't ya?.
Oh wait! I'm supposed to be talking about 'Murrican politics, ain't I?
Well, let's spend a half-a-second here on the Reform Party convention held in San Diego the week before the Democraviks'. NOW THAT WAS REAL POLITICS! You had floor fights, shovin', name-callin', trash talk, everything that a non-Infotainment political convention used to be all about. Hell! these Reform-ers is suing each other to see who gets them millions of dollars in federal matching funds.
There was mud-slinging, people on the other side calling Pat Buchanan's folks "Brown shirts." Whoo-hoo! Now this is what I call politics they way we like it. I was danged excited watching this free-for-all! This was democracy at work, instead of a "coronation." After all, if everybody has to read a script saying they all agrees with each other ISN'T THAT JUST LIKE SPOUTING THE COMMUNIST PARTY LINE? I think so.
What'd the Mouthpiece Media have to say about all this. They snickered behind their hands. They took it as another reason to write off the Reform Party as a footnote in the trash-heap of history. They claimed that these types of skirmishes just showed lack of political sophistication.
Is Tabloid Hart missing something here, ya'll, or isn't democracy supposed to be about people being able to publicly disagreed, shout, cuss, wrassle, and then try to do some horse-trading to reach a compromise? That's what they taught us in high school Civics class, ain't it? When did "political sophistication" suddenly mean putting on a good corporate infomercial like Ford Motor Company or Matsushita?
AL & JOEI know what's on a lot of ya'll minds. "Hey, Trailer Park Boy," ya'll is thinking, "What do you think about the Al & Joe Show? How's a good ole boy like you feel about the Democraviks putting a Jew one heartbeat away from the Presidency?"
Being a Libertarian myself, Tabloid Hart has always gone by a simple and out-of-date principle called Common Sense. What that means, in this case, is that I feel this way: Since we don't have nobody have to pass some kind of litmus test when we is askin' them to die for their country, on race, or religion, or any of that kind of thang, we sure as hell ain't got no right to ask them for a litmus test when they volunteer to live for their country. That's just common sense.
Me, I think it's kindah silly that the Mouthpiece folks is making such a big deal about Joe Lieberman being a Jew instead of the fact that he comes from Connecticut. Think about this, Sanitation Engineers: CONNECTICUT HAS THE HAD THE HIGHEST PER CAPITA INCOME OF ANY OF THESE UNITED STATES FOR DECADES.
"Al and Joe" might sound like the names of two guys that you expect to be carrying lunch pails down to the factory or the construction site, but in this case we are talking about two of the richer men in America.
- We are talking guys who have spent their whole lives riding in limousines, not Hondas.
- We are talking about a couple ole boys who are probably about as familiar with doing their own laundry or shoppin' as George Bush One was of supermarket scanners. No lie!
Now I hear that Joe talked in his speech at the Democravik convention about his Daddy runnin' a liquor store in Connecticut, and ole Al harked back to the days when his Momma worked in a diner or some such. Them's real nice touches that are supposed to make us feel all warm and fuzzy inside because we are letting these ole boys glom onto the halo of their hard-working parents.
But HEY ya'll! Don't let that little sentimental game distract ya'll from the fact that the Senator from Connecticut and the Vice-President under Dollar Bill both have silver spoons in their mouths and their grandchildren's educations in escrow. Them ain't Burlington Suit Factory rags they are wearing, them is Armanis.
Now me, I kindah hoped that the G21 would have endorsed our Libertarian Party candidate for the Presidency, Harry Browne. But that didn't happen. Our "official" endorsements are for Ralph Nader and Pat Buchanan.
I can understand that. Them two parties got the best chance of making the people's voices heard. All well and good. Maybe we can return to the days of being a representative democracy.
But I read a weird thought the other day: since most of the folks in the world is affected by what the President of the United States does after he gets elected, us being the only superpower and all, shouldn't they have a say, too?
One of them thoughts that makes ya' go, "Hmnnn," as Arsenio Hall used to say.
REMEMBER: It will take more than a few tornadoes to blow away all of the trailer trash.
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