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You Have Been Warned

by Thomas Hart

G21 Political Muckraker

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AUSTIN, TEXAS - This week's big political story is that the first First Lady in the history of the United States is running for political office. Hilary Rodham Clinton finally announces "officially" that she means to be the next Senator from New York. YAWN.

I mean, come on! fellow Sanitation Engineers, we've had a year-long warm-up to this announcement. The Mouthpiece Press have taken us through every picayune little detail of her finding a house in New York state to live in, and her coy little mebbe-I-will-mebbe-I-won't routines. But you would have to be an Appalachian, inbred, mini-IQ troglodyte to think that this here gal wasn't burning to get her woman in the spotlight without the Bimbo-eruption King holding her back!

Photo of Hilary Rodham Clinton But I need to take ya'll into the Wayback Machine for a half-a-second here. Let me just take this opportunity to remind you of what most of the Newyawkers were saying about a year ago when Hilary floated her little trial balloon. (I cribbed the quotes from Maureen Dowd's column in the Newyawk Times, as I admitted then. And I quote:

1. "...Jimmy Breslin rolled out the welcome mat in Newsday, writing that the First Lady would face questions like: 'Is your husband going to come here with you so the two of you can mortify the whole city when he cavorts with young workers?'...

2. "... And you can almost hear the reporters raucously calling out: 'Hey, LA-DY, First LA-DY, over here, you, Hill!'..."

3. "...Gail Sheehy, Hillary biographer: 'I've been told by a White House press secretary that you think that any questions about feelings and motivations are psychobabble and yucky. New Yorkers want to know: What do you have against therapy?'

4. "Wayne Barrett, Village Voice: 'If you were a member of the United States Senate, would you have voted for the welfare reform bill that targeted women and their children? Did you kick his (deleted) for that?'

5. "Elizabeth Kolbert, The New Yorker: 'How many counties are in New York?'

6. "Joanna Molloy, gossip columnist at The Daily News: 'How did you feel the day the President said, "I'm sorry, Monica"?' ...

Need I say more, ya'll?

Forget it, Hillary.

These people would have you as the appetizer before reachin' for the mint-flavored toothpicks to get you outtah the way before moving on to a serious meal.

That 's what I had to say last year about a potential Hillary Rodham candidacy. Do I feel any different today about the situation? Get real!

Photo of Rudolph Giuliani.And that's not even mentioning that battering ole Hil' can expect at the hands of Rudy ("The Hun") Giuliani. Can you imagine how that freak will rake this ole gal over the coals?

G21 TABLOID HART means to look at the anomalies in American culture, the strange and all-too-coincidental intersection of success and self-destruction. Be here every week as we answer the questions enquiring minds have to ask.
Here's a man who won't even speak to his Chancellor of Education, gives most of the African-Americans in his city the middle finger, and is ready to sue anyone who complains about HIS EGO. Rudy will chew that Democravik gal up like dogmeat.

And don't even expect him to look back to see the carcass quiver.

But you know what, political junkies? Most of us here in the Trailer Park will take a perverse pleasure in watching Hillary and Rudy dig up the dirt on each other. It will be better than a marathon night of WWF rasslin'. And you should know why by now:

It will take more than a few tornadoes to blow away all of the trailer trash.

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