This edition turned out to be another case of synchronicity among our writers. While FAYCAL FALAKY finally got settled in Paris and transmitted what might turn out to be considered our most controversial story of this autumn for G21 MIDEAST, KEVIN CAREY was sitting up in the UK drawing parallels between that situation and Northern Ireland for DAY ONE. DAN VANDEMORTEL just happened to be sitting in San Francisco ready to dispatch a new perspective on Northern Ireland's troubled peace prospects for IRISH EYES.

Sometimes I get lucky.

I want to take a moment to talk about that word "controversial." It gets over-used here, as elsewhere. Maybe all of us should break out our thesauruses and find a better choice.

You see, from my perspective, not only are some opinions expressed here called controversial, but also some of the styles even fall into that category. Kevin Carey is an exemplar of the latter.

Long-term readers will know (via Vox Populi) that some readers don't support either Kevin's use of language or the concerns he brings to the table. I, for the most part, have always found his writing a joy! The point, though, is that Kevin's elitist tone is considered "controversial," no matter his topic or what he has to say --- in some people's minds.

On the other hand, I know that few readers will bash Faycal Falaky for his style this week; they will take offense, if they do, at his content.

Just wanted to give a you a quick look at the balancing act going on here every week. And, believe me, sometimes the weeks pass too quickly for Yours Unruly. "What? Time for a new edition again?"

Who Was That Masked Man?

Here's an example (from an article entitled "Equal Opportunity Dish" someone reminded me of the other day, from 1996:

Since beginning the investigative series on development (or lack thereof) in the City of Orlando, Yours Unruly has received mail complaining that Floridians have been singled out for abuse. Honestly, such was not the intention. Yours Unruly should be considered an equal opportunity disher. This column is meant to balance the scales, so that the reader will have no doubt as to our lack of prejudice. By its conclusion other states in the Union should feel equally abused.

VIRGINIA: In few states have a group of citizens had such high-blown illusions about themselves. Most Americans, in fact, often forget that this state even exists. Most Americans do not think of "the Mother of Presidents" or this state's much-bally-hooed tradition of so-called gentility. When Americans do recall that there is, yes, Santa, a Virginia, what they most often think sounds like this:

"What are you people thinking?

Senator Oliver North? SENATOR Oliver North?"

NEW HAMPSHIRE: The state's founders chose as its motto: "Live Free, or Die". Looking at the electorate of New Hampshire over the last few decades, it is easy to ascertain which alternative of choice was taken. These people obviously let their brains die. Nowhere in the country do voters appear more brain-dead than those of New Hampshire.

MONTANA: Isolated, disgruntled goat-ropers sprinkled by rich, spoiled Hollywood poseurs who believe it makes their lives seem more "authentic" by adding a rustic twist to their white-flight.

NEW YORK: What have you got here? A giant cesspool full of rude, avaricious people surrounded by other people who believe you can farm through ice and granite. Oh yeah, and then there's Buffalo. Buffalo, NY, is right up there with the humor of Chris Elliott: like having a root canal, your spine tapped, or undergoing a barium enema.

CALIFORNIA: Everyone admits there should be two Californias, one north of San Jose and one south of that city. The southern California is comprised of a bunch of farmers, emotional prostitutes, field hands, and materialistic, jaded, superficial people with all the intellectual depth of a blank sheet of paper. The northern California is comprised of a bunch of farmers, body manipulators, field hands, and materialistic, jaded, superficial people who attempt to disguise their lack of intellectual depth by learning to use personal computers, reading Wired magazine, or pretending to be bohemian or goth.

NEBRASKA is where tons of Germans moved who could not stand being confused with the Dutch or the Amish in Pennsylvania. It is also a great place for thunderstorms, and where Kansans move to when they are tired of being considered boring as dirt.

TEXAS should be three states. West Texas is just a disgusting, stinking desert. ("Nothing b'tween you and the North Pole 'cept a barbed wahr fence!") East Texas should be in Arkansas. All the people are just as inbred anyway. Central and South Texas are where everyone moved who could carry a tune, had an IQ, liked decent food (mostly transplanted from Mexico), or needed to find a place where they would not be extradited to the upper 48. Texas still claims to be a Republic, which means those people understand something the rest of us do not.

MICHIGAN: After the mass exodus from this state during the 1970's and1980's, it is a surprise there are any people left here at all. Yours Unruly has to postulate that a few diehard shoprats stuck around and kept procreating despite all the Celestial signs recommending the contrary. From what one is lead to understand, there is a great echo in this state.

RHODE ISLAND: Like Delaware, this state is a joke! This should not even be a state. Take my advice, America: reconsider Rhode Island, Delaware and Maine. Merge them into their neighbors. NO ONE WILL NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE. You have my word on this.

By now, I should have managed to miff more than 30% of the people in the nation, while only dishing a grand total of ten states. Floridians, you are not alone.

Believe me, that was NOT through any plan of my own. If anything (and if you've followed this Glass House column for a while,) my mission has been to show people how NOT to be like me. How you can make so many mistakes that you become the paradigm for God's Own Fool.

There is a supposed Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times." Extrapolate on that and think about the consequences of living an interesting life.

Interesting lives are highly over-rated. What do they get you, what are the consequences?

• Ex-wives;
• alimony payments or child-support payments or both (thankfully, not in my personal case;)
• mail that never gets forwarded to your new address;
• employment problems based on the fact that you don't have an established network of friends and family in your new location;
• a treadmill of establishing new relationships and new friendships;
• frequently hearing in the phrase, "You never told me about that part of your life!";
• making references to people for whom your listener has no referent whatsoever;
• mammoth long-distance phone bills;
• constantly asking for "a table for one, please" in restaurants; and
• always, always, always wondering where the last stop will be.

Oh yeah, that's interesting as all get out. You have a million stories to tell... but to whom?

THINGS THAT I LOVE THIS WEEK

Rod was a columnist for the Andover News Network, where he wrote over two hundred articles on web design and development issues. He was also principal writer and Editor for IT Manager's Journal, where he reviewed technology issues weekly. He became the Managing Editor for Electronic Mail/Newsletter Publications at Andover.net at the end of February, 2000. He is now a contributing writer for ACCESS magazine.

He lives in Baltimore, MD, at the moment (though it seems to most people he *actually* lives on the Web,) edits the writing of people from six continents for The World's Magazine, and wonders who The Last Woman will be in his "spare time." Rumor has it he is considering moving to Tahiti and writing about what the world was like before he left...

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VOX POPULI is where the READERS here get totally out of hand! I can't stop them!

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