Helping Create the NEXT GENERATION of the Web: GENERATOR 21: The World's Magazine
JOKE OF THE DAY
Today's Laughs Provided by:
RIC WILLIAMS, Austin, TX, USA
BOB POWERS, Marietta, OH, USA
DOVE & NILDA DOVALE, Bandon, OR, USA
JIM FARRINGTON, Rochester, NY, USA
From JIM FARRINGTON, Rochester, NY:
These are spelling and grammar errors found on chart review at a hospital on the east coast:
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The skin was moist and dry.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
The patient was prepped and raped in the usual manner.
Examination reveals a well-developed male laying in bed with his family in no distress.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
She is numb from her toes down.
Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
While in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Coming from Detroit, this man has no children
From RIC WILLIAMS, Austin, Texas:
What's Y'all's Sign? (A Horoscope for Southerners)
It has become pretty obvious to us Southerners that our present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them. When I'm out drivin' around I'll see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose I'll even see a ram or a goat. Up the street from me there's some twins, but I don't see them much. The rest of these things are just too danged obscure.
Unless you live on the Gulf, you only see crabs on vacation. There are only a few mountain lions and you only get scorpions in Louisiana and Texas, but
there ain't that many archers and no water bearers unless you count waitresses, but I don't think they'd take kindly to that. Virgins? The neighborhood's not exactly crawling with them either. SO, what we need here is some relevance. We need things we can recognize up there in the night sky.
SCROLL DOWN TO YOUR BIRTH DATE!
OKRA Dec 22 - Jan 20
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and
see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.
CHITLIN Jan 21 - Feb 19
Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they're uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has plenty of
seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful. Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Uncle Caleb's backside after a Sunday barbecue, and this can make for a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. They must avoid Moon Pies. Remember that when marriage time rolls around.
BOLL WEEVIL Feb 20 - Mar 20
You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some
inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry
about it.
MOON PIE Mar 21 - Apr 20
You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. "Big" and "round" are
the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year
to think about aerobics. Maybe not.
POSSUM Apr 21 - May 21
When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a "don't -bother - me- about - it" attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy
is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work, and you may find your problems actually running
you over. Possums are spooked by Moon Pies.
CRAWFISH May 22 -Jun 21
Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging
around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads. Conflict is inevitable if they marry a Moon Pie.
COLLARDS Jun 22- Jul 23
Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting
pot" of life and share their essence with the essences of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.
CATFISH Jul 24 - Aug 23
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with one exception:
Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.
GRITS Aug 24 - Sep 23
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel, though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well. As to Moon Pies, well, would you put gravy on top of one?
GOOBER (AKA PEANUT) Sep 24 - Oct 23
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best-your friends and loved ones-may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go
right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours
is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you. Moon Pies, this is your best shot.
BUTTER BEAN Oct 24 - Nov 22
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next
to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.
ARMADILLO Nov 23 - Dec 21
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another, somewhat kinky, mating possibility. Naturally, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.
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