JOKE OF THE DAY
Today's Laughs Provided by:
DOVE DOVALE, Bandon, OR, USA
RIC WILLIAMS, Austin, TX, USA
| The World's Magazine: generator21.net
Event #156: ROCK STEADY 
LAST WEEK's EDITION For Deep Background visit the G21-Barnes & Noble Shop |
A contest was held for people to submit their theories on ANY subject. Below are the winners:
4th RUNNER-UP (Subject: Probability Theory): If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.
3rd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Bio-Mechanics): Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they then yawn to even it out.
2nd RUNNER-UP (Subject:Symbolic Logic): Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate technical ideas at a faster rate.
1st RUNNER-UP (Subject: Newtonian Mechanics): The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.
HONORABLE MENTION (Subject: Linguistics): The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "packs his ca," the lost R's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl" wells.
GRAND PRIZE WINNER (Subject: Perpetual Motion): When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. It was proposed to strap giant slabs of hot buttered toast to the back of a hundred tethered cats:the two opposing forces will cause the cats to hover, spinning inches above the ground. Using the giant buttered toast/cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
From RIC WILLIAMS:
New sayings that should be on buttons...
Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
Do I look like a freakin' people person?
This isn't an office -- It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
And just how may I screw you over today?
And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
A PBS mind in an MTV world.
Yeah, right! Like I'm going to put that icky thing in my mouth.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.
You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
I plead contemporary insanity.
And which dwarf are you?
Meandering to a different drummer.
I majored in Liberal Arts. Will that be for here or to go?
+++ The PREVIOUS JOKE +++ THE NEXT JOKES +++
GET INTO A G21 FRAME OF MIND.
THE MAIN EVENT