JOKE OF THE DAY
Today's Laughs Provided by:
Bob Powers, Marietta, OH, USA
"Lady B," Athens, GA, USA
| The World's Magazine: generator21.net
Event #155: Newness in the World 
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In 1999, Barbie turns 40! She began as an airline stewardess in 1959, soared as an astronaunt in 1974, ran for president in 1992 and was confined to a wheelchair in 1997. So what can we expect as she turns 40?
BIFOCALS BARBIE: Comes with her own set of blended lens fashion frames, in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living;
HOT FLASH BARBIE: Press Barbies bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of persperation appear on her forehead. Comes with tiny hand held fan and tissues.;
MID LIFE CRISIS BARBIE. Time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Bruce (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her bright red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Comes with real tape of "Breaking Up is Hard to do";
RECOVERY BARBIE: Too many parties have finaly caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does 12 steps instead of dance steps! Comes with little copy of the Big Book and a six pack of Diet Coke.
SINGLE MOTHER BARBIE There's not much time for primping anymore! Ken's shacked up with the Swedish au pair in the Dream House and Barbies across town with Babs and Ken Jr. in a fourth floor walk up. Barbies selling off her old gowns and accessories to raise rent money. Complete garage sale kit included.
BUNION BARBIE Years of disco dancing in stilletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with this pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules Colors: pink, rose and blush
FACIAL HAIR BARBIE as Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow! Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
COOK'S ARMS BARBIE: Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front too: muumuus are back. Comes with cellulite cream and loofah sponge.
NO MORE WRINKLES BARBIE: Erase those pesky crows feet and squint lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spakle from Barbie's own line of exclusive age blasting cosmetics.
Who knows when Barbie will have outlived her usefulness? From Dream House to Nursing Home (both new and improved - wheelchair accessable to conform to ADA requirements) the possibilities not to mention the accessories are endless.
From "LADY B":
After having been commissioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing on Earth, St. Peter now stood before his boss ready to present his findings.
"Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?" God asked.
"I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving in a sinful manner. There's drugs, alcohol, murders, you name it -- a regular Sodom and Gomorra.
"But the worst is this new obsession with oral sex. According to my survey, 88% of the population is doing it. Even four out of five dentists recommend it. I'm afraid it has reached epidemic proportions."
"Hmmm," God said thoughtfully, "do you have any recommendations as to what should be done to put an end to this sexual perversion?"
St. Peter said: "I think we should send a message to everyone on Earth who engages in oral sex. The contents of that message should tell them exactly what will happen to them on Judgment Day if they do not stop this type of activity."
"That is an effective solution," God stated, "but I think that instead of punishing those who practice oral sex, we should reward those who refrain from it. Let's send a letter that's personally signed by me to each one of these good people."
And so they did.
Do you know what the letter said?
No?
Hmmm...
You didn't get the letter either, huh??
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