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The Game Behind the Bombs 5

by Rastislav Durman

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NOVI SAD - [AUTHOR'S NOTE - The following is the transcript of a telephone conversation. In this short conversation we follow two presidents of ex-communists countries, one which has a mutual border with Yugoslavia and one further removed. I know this just must have taken place. ---RD]

"Mr. President?"

" Speaking. Who is there?

" Also president, Mr. President."

" Sorry, Mr. President, I did not recognize your voice."

" Never mind, Mr. President, I suppose that you have only presidents and their Majesties on this line. I do not believe that anybody from [the] street in your country is able to reach your phone number?"

" Well, Mr. President, since we finished with communism, we are trying to develop democratic customs."

" Really Mr. President? I mean, we are doing [the] same thing, but we care not to aggrandize it..."

" We are aggrandizing in our efforts, but we can't do the same thing with results. Can I help you, Mr. President?"

" Yes you can, Mr. President, thank you. Would you like to have a little war with us?"

" I do not know what to say, Mr. President...!"

" Believe me, Mr. President, I have only [a] small war on my mind... "

"You are putting me in fretful s[tate of mind], Mr. President."

" Mr. President, I assure you that we will not disturb you. We will only send a few troops to occupy a tiny peace of your lend near [the] Yugoslavian border. A quarter of [a] hectare will be enough, we need only to have [a place] to put our flag and a few tents."

"I have to [consult] with my Parliament, Mr. President..."

"Mr. President, I beg you in the name of our traditional friendship..."

"I know, Mr. President, but I was promising this war to your north[ern] neighbors..."

"Bloody intruders! How much [did] they offer to you, Mr. President?"

"25% of loan which they will receive from [the International] Monetary Fund, Mr. President."

"25%? It is open ramp, Mr. President."

"It is free market, Mr. President. What can you offer me?"

"I am not able to pay you more than 10% of loan I will receive from [the] USA, Mr. President."

"Mr. President, may I remind you that you have no chance to achieve any loan from anybody if you are not in Yugoslavia's neighborhood?"

"15% is my last offer, Mr. President."

"You can always try [with] somebody else, Mr. President. There are six more countries which verge with Yugoslavia."

"Show your mercy, Mr. President, you know that everybody else is full..."

"Well, you will have you war with us for 20% --- after your north[ern] neighbor's withdrawal, Mr. President."

(PAUSE.) "I have no other choice than to accept it. Let us hope that Kosovo Crisis will last [long] enough, or we will remain undeveloped for ever. Thank you very much for your kind assistance, Mr. President."

"You are welcome, Mr. President. Besides, you never know with NATO, they could attack in your neighborhood and than you could pay my service back..."


RASTISLAV DURMAN was born in 1956 (Senta, Vojvodina, Yugoslavia.) He is married and has been living in Slovakia since 1993. He's a writer, (4 novels, over 40 radio and TV plays, more than 1000 short stories,) and TV director (over 500 hours of program). Mr. Durman graduated from University of Novi Sad, Yugoslavia, 1982, with a degree in Philosophy. His postgraduate studies were at the same institution, from which he graduated in1984. Rastislav has twenty years of experience in TV media. He is one of the founders of City TV Foundation and the International Festival of Local TV Broadcasters (Head of Program and Development Dept., Kosice, Slovakia since 1995.)

This is Mr. Durman's fifth piece for The World's Magazine. His previous submission was a satirical and hypothetical look at a possible conversation between U.S. President Clinton and Serbian President Milosevic.

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