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Let me get this right: a baseball player can hit a ninety-five mile an hour fastball with fifty thousand people cheering, yet a golfer needs total silence to hit a ball standing still.
To further astound me, they even created a Golf Network. This must be for people with heart conditions who can't get overly excited but insist on watching TV. But finally there is a reason to watch golf and it has nothing to do with the game itself .
The Augusta National Golf Club in Georgia which hosts the Masters Golf tournament every year is going to be protested for its Male-Only policy. Martha Burk the President of the National Council for Women Organizations is planning to lead a protest to change this policy. Hootie Johnson, the President of Augusta National says he will not change this policy while being faced by a bayonet. Maybe Ms. Burk should have tried a "Glock Nine" - it might have been more effective. Hootie further adds that Augusta National may add women but on their own timetable. My guess it is will be the year 2078.
This whole situation gets more complicated because everyone is asserting "their rights."
Augusta National says it's "their right" as a private club to admit whomever the want. Martha Burk says it's "her right" to protest them using "their rights". While Augusta National likes using "their rights" they don't like Ms. Burk using "her rights" and have tried to use more of "their rights" to limit the protests. The best part is now there are groups asserting "their rights" to protest the protest. One of those groups is a splinter group of the Ku Klux Klan. I'm sure Augusta National is happy they have the Klan defending the policy.
Joseph J. Harper, The Imperial Wizard of the American Knights of the Ku Klux Klan plans to demonstrate in support of the all male policy, whether the club likes it or not. He states, "This equal rights stuff has gotten out of hand.''
I guess next thing you know they'll want to admit Blacks and Jews to the Golf club. Wait they're already members. Is it too late to get them out?
Harper says he formed his own Klan offshoot after a falling out with national Klan organizer. How do you have a falling out with the National Klan leaders? Do you actually start to like people?
The best part is The Southern Poverty Law Center, says Harper, appears to be the only member of his group. Maybe he should start admitting women so he can get a few people to join. However Harper has applied for a permit for twenty people and further adds "people expecting this Klansmen to wear white hoods and robes have the wrong idea, we'll probably be in either blue jeans or suits.'' It's good to see the Klan has modernized their wardrobe. Mr. Harper ends with "we're tired of poor, white trash calling themselves the Ku Klux Klan [AUTHOR COMMENT: Exactly who else was joining this group?] and the negative image the Ku Klux Klan is getting.'' Of course we would all hate for the Klan to get a negative image.
So it looks like we will have the Old Boys Network, feminists, Jesse Jackson, the Klan and a host of other groups at The Masters. This Golf tournament should be on Pay-Per-View. But now the Sheriff in Augusta is trying block the protest as much as possible. Ms. Burk asked permission to protest April 12 where she planned to put 24 people at the front gate to Augusta National and an additional 200 across the street. Burk said "The men of Augusta National Golf Club come through the front gate. To influence those folks, that's where we need to be.''
This request was denied by Sheriff Ronald Strength. (Aptly named, 'cause he going to need a lot of it).
The Sheriff then offered Burk a compromise that would have let her protest in another location, (Probably Alaska) but Burk rejected that deal. This lead to another group to enter the fray. The American Civil Liberties Union filed a suit alleging that Augusta's law regulating public protests violates free-speech rights. The federal suit seeks to block the city from enforcing the protest law, which was "coincidentally" amended last month and just happens to give the sheriff power to approve, deny or make changes to any protest requests.
The sheriff said he did not want protests at the gate because of safety concerns. My guess is after he denied the protests he's talking about his own safety. The Sheriff further explains, "Every year with the masses of people around Augusta National Golf Club, we have many auto accidents, some involving pedestrians.'' It's nice to know the sheriff is doing this to prevent auto accidents. I'm sure the people at Department of Motor Vehicles would appreciate it.
However I have left out the best part of this whole controversy. Augusta National does allow women to play at their golf clubs. They just don't allow them to become members and wear the legendary Green Jacket. (Other than St. Patrick's Day, I don't see many women wearing green anyway.) So this whole argument would appear to be for the principle of it. As we know those are always the stupidest arguments. Either way this whole controversy has finally given me a reason to watch golf. Even though I won't be focusing on the game itself.
NEW YORK, NY, USA - Growing up in New York City, I never played golf because we just didn't have that much grass. It looks like you need half of Iowa to play that game. Due to the fact that I was surrounded by concrete, I could never even imagine playing golf. I could never get into golf on TV because, for me, it was boring. I just couldn't understand why the game required everyone to be quiet.
However, that's not the only group that will be there. Who never misses a protest? That's right, The Rev. Jesse Jackson's Rainbow/PUSH Coalition also applied for permission to place nearly 100 protesters near the private club's entrance. He also applied for permission to send Reverend Al Sharpton to Mongolia but that's a different issue. (I'm just kidding but there's been a lot of bad blood between these two lately.)
WEB SITE PICK OF THE WEEK: You haven't seen Arianna Huffington's "Pigs at the Trough" video about corporate America? Why not. Go take a look.
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